Protective Shield

I keep things in. Things. Emotions. My emotions…I know that that’s probably not a good thing. Life has made me that way I guess. I have a tendency to show no emotion when I am feeling emotion. I just have a hard time opening up to someone. I get closed off. I feel that by being emotional in front of someone, kind of makes me very vulnerable and weak and I have a hard time with that. You know, being in that state of vulnerability, it’s not a place where I like to be because I feel like I’m not in control. When I’m not in control I get anxiety. Whenever I truly loved anybody and opened myself up to them, they have always stabbed me in the back. I have a hard time with that, trusting people. It can be anyone, friends, family, boyfriend. I’m not sure if I truly trust anyone in my life. It’s sort of a protective shield I’ve put up and it only gets stronger with time. I do desire to be more vulnerable but at the same time I desire to stay protected. I feel torn. Everytime I do take a risk I get hurt. Not sure if I should keep taking those risks.

Calculator Number 3

My chicken nugget is fluffy and chickeny...is way too hot and sexy for you, you noob...I am soo amazing at underwater basket weaving while eating a juggler's balls which are in his amazing purple pants and his hair is bright and shiny because he just told his mommy that he is a big boy now and just go to Jay Bird's house so that he could eat Jay Leno and Michael Jackson and sing a contract to be able to talk with Jerry Springer about his father getting abused by a kitten with a history book and xylophone which sliced a pineapple to share with the hobo outside of the McDonald's where Ronald McDonald had just got a kid from prison and the kid shot the hobo and then went back to prison for molesting a kitty without parental supervision...that is why you should never eat soggy waffles on a Saturday night while watching gay people eat chess pieces and choking President Obama for one million rubber chickens....

The End!!!

Crawl

Everybody see's it's you
I'm the one that lost the view
Everybody says we're through
I hope you haven't said it too

So where
Do we go from here
With all this fear in our eyes
And where
Can love take us now
We've been so far down
We can still touch the sky


If we crawl
Till we can walk again
Then we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no end
So lets crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to love, Yeah
Back to love, Yeah


Why did I change the pace
Hearts were never meant to race
I always felt the need for space
But now I can't reach your face
So where
Are you standing now
Are you in the crowd of my faults
Love, can you see my hand?
I need one more chance
We can still have it all


If we crawl (if we crawl)
Till we can walk again
Then we'll run (then we'll run)
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no end
So lets crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to love, Yeah
Back to love, yeaaah


Everybody see's it's you
Well I never wanna lose that view


So we'll crawl (if we crawl)
Till we can walk again
Then we'll run
Until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly
Until there is no end
So lets crawl, crawl, crawl

So we'll crawl (ooh)
Till we can walk again (till we can walk again)
Then we'll run (we'll run)
Until we're strong enough to jump (until we're strong enough to jump)
Then we'll fly (then we'll fly)
Until there is no end
So let's crawl, let's crawl, let's crawl
Back to love

Perhaps I'm Being Over Sensitive...Nahhh

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain....

Bonds That Can Never Be Broken

Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding, but theres also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along.

Unrequited Love

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that guy for over one miserable year! The absolute worst year of my life! The worst Christmas, the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. That year that I had been in love had been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a guy who does not and will not love me back. Oh God, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

Is There a Light at the End of the Tunnel?

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.....There IS a light at the end of your tunnel...you just need to find the switch or change the bulb! :P

Crazy is Just Genius Ahead of It's Time

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?” - Chris Rock

Tick Tock

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
(Hey, what up girl?)
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door
I'm gonna hit this city (Lets go)
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back
I'm talking - pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
Drop-topping, playing our favorite cd's
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Till we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock
But the party don't stop,no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh (x2)

Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
And now the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
I'm talking about - everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys trying to touch my junk, junk
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
Now, now - we goin till they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us -

Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Till we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock
But the party don't stop,no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh (x2)

DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me
With my hands up
You got me now
You got that sound
Yeah, you got me

DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me
With my hands up
Put your hands up
Put your hands up
Now, the party don't start until I walk in

Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, Imma fight
Till we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock
But the party don't stop,no
Woah-oh oh oh
Woah-oh oh oh (x2)

Life's short...Live it up, Laugh it out, and Love every second of it:)

I woke up late this morning as I always do. I got ready in a half-hour and walked to the bus stop like I do every morning. I get to school say bye to the driver then go to first period. I finish getting ready in the bathroom in the chorus room. Then go talk to my friends. The bell rings and I loose track of time as usual. I'm late...my teacher gets mad and I sit there and do the homework I should have done the night before...just like I always do. I barely finish it before the bell rings then I go to second period...do the same thing...go to third period...do the same thing...go to lunch and wonder why I sit with the people I sit with. There's nothing wrong with them...I just think about it...watch them laugh and eat...while I sit there laughing and listening. I was thinking about how I do the same thing every day and nothing spectacular ever really happens. And how I'm 15 and this is supposed to be the time of my life...where I find out who I truly am and what I want to do with my life. Im not doing that. I just dont want to go through the motions anymore....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fFnB1GX4kE

First Blog

Ok. This is my first blog. So im not really sure how to do this thing. I just kinda wanted one cuz everybody else did. So yeah, now i feel special :)